Screw Up Your Life

Go ahead, screw up your life and make a bunch of bad decisions.  Then, be sure to run back and tell me all about it, because for sure, I'm gonna care.

Don't Like What You're Reading?

Oh, we're really sorry.  Go write your own blog.

Buying Cards

Definitely spend 25 minutes in the Hallmark store agonizing over finding the perfect card for your loved one.  When you give it to them, they'll only give it a "courtesy read" then throw it away when they get home.  Time and money well spent.  NOT.

Getting Made Fun Of

Did someone make fun of you when you were 3 years old and it scarred you for life?  Well be sure to hang on to that pain!  It's workin' for ya!  Now that you're 60, I'm sure blaming your current insecurity on an incident 57 years ago isn't annoying everyone around you.

Life

Life just beats the crap out of you every day till you can't take it anymore, then you die.

Health Problems

Heart attack? Cancer? What makes you think it wouldn't happen to you? Suck it up. Take it like a man and go on with your life - for as long as you can. No whining.

Leaving Your Job

Working isn't living. We work so we can pay the bills. When we leave, get fired or retire; no one misses us. Don't grieve about it.